Frustrated Mess

I’m trying to stay busy. I’m trying to distract myself from the disappointment that is building up inside of me. When I’m alone, when I’m laying in bed at night, that’s when it’s the hardest.

No you didn’t die. Thank God. It’s not the end of the world. I’m not on Mars, and you’re not on Pluto. You just moved away. I know, to some I may be overreacting. But I don’t care. I can’t help how I feel inside.

We used to spend a few days a week together. It was like that for three and half years. That’s a long time. I forgot what to do in my spare time because I always wanted to spend it with you.

Yes, this separation long-distance thing can maybe be good for me. Yes, it will force me to be more independent. It will force me to make new friends. It will force me to try new things and explore where I’ve been living for the past four years. But after I’ve done all of these things, then what?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to sound like a pathetic girl who can’t have a life or be successful without her man. I can do those things. I have confidence that I can go out and accomplish my dreams without my guy.

But I don’t want to.

Here’s the difference between me and him: I want to live my life, my dreams, my successes, my failures, my hardest moments and my happiest moments with him. But he moved.

He’s over there. And I’m over here.

He asked me to move in with him. But, call my old-fashioned, I want him to ask me to spend the rest of my life with him before I do that. Before I leave my family and my friends and drive to a place I know nothing about, I want him to commit to me and tell the world how much he loves me. Am I crazy?

This is not a new relationship. I’m not wanting to spend the rest of my life with a guy I just met. I know him. I’ve been with him for over three and a half years.

I know what I want. I want him. Forever.

But he hasn’t declared the same for me.

So, here I am. I’m diving into what I want with or without him. I won’t wait for him forever.

Now, I have a trip to Australia to plan for, a job to find and some friends to go hang out with tonight.

Signing off,

-Frustrated Mess


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